Socializing

Since I have been chronically ill, with 100+ symptoms that wax and wane by the hour, I can't help but think about how I come across to people. I literally must seem rude, anti-social, bipolar, and/or completely disinterested in others. I must seem like a horrible friend or family member. I must seem selfish. I think people who really know me know I am not those things. I'm a helper, I'm a listener, I'm friendly. But it is NOT possible to be any of those things if I don't have enough oxygen at the moment. It's not possible if I have sensory overload at the moment. If I'm in pain, if I'm nauseated, if I'm dizzy. It takes SO much mental, physical, and emotional energy to socialize. My autonomic nervous system malfunctions whenever it wants, and it works whenever it wants. One minute I act completely fine to people, and the next they probably think they pissed me off., which could not be further from the truth. I'm plagued by too many symptoms that come and go. Any one of them could hit me any second out of nowhere. It's very draining on all levels. I also think I bum people out who tell me I look like I'm doing better. Yes, I probably do, AT THE MOMENT. How are you feeling? I'm ok AT THE MOMENT. It's all just up and down. I can't help people like I would like to. If you're in an airplane emergency, you need to put the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting others. I have an oxygen mask, but it's defective. It's unpredictable. Therefore, someone else will have to assist you until further notice.