Bedridden & Avenues

I don't know why but I feel like if I get out of bed, my heart and lungs won't be able to sustain me. I'm not usually bedridden so I don't know what's going on. I do know that I am so exhausted from these death-like episodes that I don't even want to get out of bed. I feel like if I stay in bed, the episodes can't get me? I feel very numb today. Reading Claudia Orgill's stuff has gotten me through the day, though. I am also depressed about money. I just spent $500 on a portable sauna and ionic detox spa. These things have helped me in the past so I figure I better just own them. I'm just afraid they'll break or suddenly not help me. Tomorrow I am going to make some calls and pursue some new avenues in my fight against Lyme. I will still be continuing my IV's at the West Clinic as long as my credit cards permit, I just feel like I need some local attention, and more attention at that. I just feel so bad how expensive I am. My sickness affects others around me, not just me. More treatments tomorrow. I've flat out lost count. I have never recovered this week. I had several good days in June, but in July I could count the number of good days on one hand. I'm so hammered, especially this week with no good days. I at least thought I would manage one. I had a few good hours I guess but most hours are turmoil. I continue to put on a fake happy face, though. Well, not all of it is fake, I just don't want to drag people down.